The Ultimate Superpower

You are presented with a predicament. Logistics aside, you are presented with the opportunity to poses one superpower and one superpower alone. It can be any superpower you want it to be, and it has unlimited potential. The rest of you would be completely unchanged, you would simply have your choice of superpower added to your repertoire. What superpower would you choose and why? More importantly how would you use it?

Superhero movies are big right now. The latest two movies to break all box office records have been Spiderman 3 in 2007 and Batman: The Dark Knight in 2008. In the last 6 years we have seen 3 Spiderman films, 2 Batman films, 2 Incredible Hulk films, 2 Superman films, 3 X-Men films, 2 Fantastic Four films, as well as other superhero films including Ironman, Hellboy, Hancock, Ghost Rider, Catwoman, etc. All with varying degrees of success. No matter how you cut it, superheroes are all the rage when it comes to film-making right now. So it begs the question: what power would you want?

I asked Tyler, the 7 year old son of my boss, today what power he would want, and after what I can only describe as a seven year old's version of a dissertation, he eventually concluded that he would want the ability to transform into anything he wanted. I'd say that was a pretty good analysis from a kid who has never seen Terminator II, but I just wonder what kinds of things he would transform into and why he would feel it necessary to transform into them. I would have asked him that follow-up, but there are only so many hours in the day and I'd like to have this essay posted by the end of this week. The great thing about 7 year olds is that for them reason has no place in logic. The main thing he wanted was to be able to emulate various other superpowers that would then be at his disposal without being in violation of the one person/one power ground rule. For example, if he had chosen the power to fly, he would then be stuck with that and only that, but by choosing transformation, he has gained the ability to transform into an airplane which would then give him the ability to fly, but then he would be also be able to transform into a submarine if he were to choose to emulate an Aquaman type character. Pretty smart thinking. I will say that he did try to pull a fast one on me by saying that by choosing transformation, he would be able to transform into "other dudes with other superpowers," but I told him that was against the rules. He disagreed with my boundaries of course, but I feel I won the debate that followed.

I would venture to say that the initial thought of most people would be the ability to fly, have super strength, or super speed, but I find three dominant problems with all of those 1) they are not very versatile 2) they have limited practical applications and 3) I can't imagine how one's life or the well-being of mankind would be significantly impacted either positively or negatively in such circumstances. The obvious joke is that in our current economic climate one wouldn't need to pay for gas to get around with the ability to fly, but I am not much for the obvious joke. Like Tyler's reasoning, if you were to choose flying, have strength, or speed, then that is what you are stuck with. All you would ever be able to do is one of those three. You would either be able to travel through the air with ease, lift or push extraordinarily heavy things, or move really fast. Certainly in one's own life there may be instances where one of those would be all you would ever need to solve all of your problems, but in the greater scheme of life I am not sure I have ever thought to myself that my life would be drastically improved by my ability to move something large.

When I was a younger I felt that the ultimate superpower would be to freeze time. I, of course, blame an episode of DuckTales for brainwashing me into this mentality. From my recollection, Huey, Dewey, Louie, and Webbigail acquired some artifact (probably a watch since there is no such thing as a cliche in children's entertainment) that could freeze time. I remember thinking that this ability could have a world of different applications both in personal and worldly fulfillment. I recall thinking (because I was small picture back then) that I would be able to stop time, go to sleep for as long as I wanted, wake-up and re-start time such that I would always be well rested, but never lose hours of the day in order to get rest. Don't get me wrong, I still think that ability alone would be worth a pound of flesh, but the older I get the more practical applications I think of. I would be able to procrastinate all I want and still never be late on a deadline. I could take as much time as I could ever need or want to work on something. Hell I could take a week long vacation whenever I wanted and never miss a single second of work. Certainly there are numerous applications for the greater good, but I am still thinking small time now. Really when it comes down to it, I'd say that to this day the ability to freeze time is probably the second best superpower imaginable.

So what is the penultimate superpower? If you ask me I say it is mind control. There is an old film from 1977, perhaps you have heard of it, called Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope in which Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi are driving through the streets of Alderaan. When they are stopped by storm troopers who ask for the pairs' credentials, Kenobi, using a mind control technique causes the storm troopers to let them pass unchecked. In the world of popular culture, this use of mind control has come to be known as the "Jedi Mind Trick," and if it is not already, it aught to be the most sought after superpower among nerds and normal people alike. Imagine the limitless possibilities of controlling the minds of others. Don't want to pay rent this month? No problem, your landlord thinks you live rent-free. How about that girl you are afraid to ask out due to fear of rejection? Well she is ready to bear your children now. Want the day off from work? Hell, take the rest of the year off at your bosses urging. It isn't like you need money anyway what with the free rent, free food and merchandise you will acquire by simply making people think it is free for you. You can be famous if you want, you can keep others from being famous, you can do just about ANYTHING you want provided someone with a mind is at the helm.

Now think big picture. Say I wanted to end the war in Iraq right now. I could just tap into the mind of the President and his staff, alter their thinking and suddenly the troops are on their way home. But what about the eruptions of violence and the Iraqi government that will surely crumble at the immediate withdrawal of all of our troops? Fear not, I just tapped into the minds of all of the Iraqi people and their government and ended all desires for violence and corruption. While I am at it, I went ahead and made everyone in the world live in peace, erased the debts of all of the countries, and now the children of the world are gathering in the streets to join hands and sing We Shall Overcome. Oh yeah and there is a pizza on its way to my apartment...And I don't plan on paying for it.

So here is the obvious problem: mind control of this magnitude would be enormously dangerous and dishonest in the wrong hands. I believe it was Peter Parker's uncle Ben in the first Spiderman who taught us all that with great power comes great responsibility, and it turns out he was right. Imagine what would happen to world if this power got into the wrong hands. Imagine Hitler with that power, imagine Ted Kaczynski, Imagine Rush Limbaugh.

There is also this: I have a hard time understanding how to navigate my Tivo let alone the process and worldwide applications of geo-politics as it relates to conflicting regions and ideologies. That isn't to say I wouldn't want to bring and end to war-torn nations, but let's be honest, chaos theory states that a butterfly flapping its wings here can cause a typhoon in Japan, so just imagine what kind of backlash could occur by the everyman playing puppet master to the world even if his intentions are purely good.

Finally, keep this is mind: we are all affected by our own cultures. We unfortunately have a tendency to believe that the way we live is the "right" way and the way others live is sometimes considered humorous and sometimes considered abhorrent, but the truth of the matter is that no matter where someone may be from, each culture is laden with its own imperfections. Yes, even we Americans are far from living in a perfect society. The thing is, we need those imperfections, because in many ways, it is our imperfections that make us great. Sometimes it is our flaws that we love most about our culture. We need certain people to think one way and others to think another way. We need every possible viewpoint represented and given equal weight. We need a world that operates using checks and balances and a world that encourages debate and counterpoints. To alter the minds of the world and make everyone think a certain way about anything is not only the most powerful form of mental slavery, but it is representative of everything we don't want in this world. Having that power would instantly cast us into an Orwellian nightmare where there are no Winstons and there are no proles. Even if it did cause the ability to stop wars and cause the world to live in peace, could mind control really be considered anything but evil under those conditions? I will bet not. Still, it would be nice not paying rent.

***Side Note: In my entire life, I have never felt as much like a nerd as I do right now. I swore to myself that I would never talk about Star Wars in these essays. I am going to have to write about Bob Dylan next just to feel normal again.***